Love Letters, #2

Dear Cold Stone,

Within the last month we have spent over a hundred dollars buying ice cream from you. This is ridiculous. We are supposed to be saving our money to pay off our credit card debt. So we have decided to boycott you and make our own dessert creations. The truth is your ice cream is just like all the other ice creams in the world, cold and delicious, and we can add our own Oreos in without spending 6 bucks a pop. I wish I could say we will miss you, but we wont - in fact, Austin says my Oreo Mud Pie Sundaes are much better than yours. No offense. 

Ciao,

Me

Dear Buca di Beppo, 

Your stuffed shells are delicious, but guess what? I found a recipe online that is even better than yours. Thats right. Here is the link. Check it out. Best part, it costs about $20 to make and makes not one but two giant trays of stuffed shells. TWO. 

Suck it, 

Me

Dear Credit Card Debt, 

I know we said we would pay you off, but we got a little sidetracked. Living at home with mom got us a little too relaxed and we stopped resisting our shopping impulses. Also, I bought a super amazing camera so that didn't help. Next month I promise we will start paying you down. Please be patient.

IOU,

Me

Dear Animal Crackers, 

You are disgusting. Ugh. If Heidi makes me eat another one of you I'm going to throw up. 

Gagging at the thought of you, 

Me

Dear House in Short Sale,

If all goes as planned you will be officially ours in a little under two weeks. This makes me very happy. I can't wait to clean your dark, rich, hardwood floors. I can't wait to fill all of your storage compartments with all of our crap. I can't wait to look out your windows into the canyon while my husband proclaims "check out the ocean view!" and all of us squint to see that tiny blue line that is, in fact, ocean.

I just want you to know - You are beautiful. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. I'm sorry your previous owners lost interest in you. Its not your fault that you are worth $300,000 less than what they paid for you in 2006. Its just the economy. We are going to rent you out to them for a little bit longer, but don't worry. We will be moving in soon. Just give us time. 

xoxoxo, 

Your homeowners to be

Love Letters

Dear House in Short Sale,

Please work out. I'm really starting to fall in love with you.

Wistfully Yours, 

Me

Dear All The Stuff That I Have To Pack, 

I hate you. I can't relax because I know what my obligations are towards you. 

You suck,

Me

Dear Terrible Twos, 

You aren't due for another six months, so why are you here? I will take your arrival as an indication that my daughter is wise beyond her months, but I'm still not thrilled about your presence here. 

I just want you to know that I will beat you. No matter what it takes. I will not allow you to possess my daughter in grocery stores, restaurants, and other public places. I will win. You will see.

Your Enemy, 

Me

Dear Animal Crackers, 

I love you. I am sorry that I neglected you for so many years, but I realize now that looks aren't everything. So what if you are considered primarily children's food? So are chicken strips but those are delicious too. I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. You are delicious and I will keep a baggy of you wherever we go from now on. I promise. 

Salivating for your touch, 

Me