"Mom Mode"

    I'm constantly being told by one of my close friends to get out of mom mode, but I have a confession to make - I like being in mom mode. I find it way more fun than just regular ol' woman mode. I don't always feel this way - as evidenced by past rants on this blog about how sick I am of the mindless chit chat of Pampers VS. Huggies or other motherly dillemas such as formula VS. giving up ur life to be a 24/7 snack bar. Most of the time, however, I have to say I love mom mode. I love perusing the aisles of Target for the latest in toys. I love picking up and sorting thru all the books in the children's section at Barnes and Nobles for the most creative/hilarious of story lines. I love watching children's movies. Despicable Me is hilarious. How to Train your Dragon - Epic. Clothes shopping for Heidi is like an obsessive hobby for me. I love to go the mall now more than I ever have in my life and when I do I spend most of my time in stores like Janie and Jack, Baby Gap, Gymboree, and Carters. Very rarely do I venture in to any store that sells adult things exclusively.


     I often hear old people say that "the best days of their lives" were when their children were young and I have to wonder why this is. 


     It seems to me that being a mom - and all that it encapsules (the love that I have for my daughter, the joy that comes from giving her the best of what I have to give, and getting in touch with my own playfulness as result) has made me happier and feeling more fulfilled than I have ever been before. This is puzzling to me, because I would never have thought that something as mind numbingly simple as procreating could really lead me to happiness and fulfillment. Doesn't it seem like the road to happiness and fulfillment should be much longer and more complicated? 


    I know many couples and even single people who seem to be very happy despite the fact that they never journeyed down the path of parenthood - the path that seems to have led me to my own happiness. I try to analyze them and figure out what it is that we have in common - there must be some key which we both have, despite our differing circumstances, that unlocks the door to emotional well being.

After much thought, I think I have found it.

                  Unselfish love and giving.

    The people I know who seem to be genuinely happy are so loving. These are the people who were  by our sides in the hospital at six in the morning to say goodbye to Scott before he went into brain surgery. These are the people who always make a point of coming up to you, giving you a hug, and asking how you are doing. These are the people who are organizing meals for those who are unable to do so themselves. They are always there to offer a helping hand to even the humblest of the elderly, and they often do so with a smile on their face and tears of compassion in their eyes. 


     While I consider myself to manifest nowhere near the level of unselfishness that these people do, I think that parenthood forces you on to a path of unselfishness. When you have your first child it can be somewhat of a rude awakening depending on the lifestyle you led previously. All of the sudden you, your feelings, and your needs are no longer as important as they once were.  In fact YOU become the ultimate satisfier to every one of THEIR needs. In a way it kind of sucks when you compare it to your childless lifestyle, but one thing that makes it more than worth it in an incredibly hard to describe way is the love you feel for your kid and the joy that comes from giving. Far from the parasitic relationship parenting appears to be, its actually a kind of magical symbiosis - you give your own desires and needs up for theirs but in return you get happiness that can only come from unselfish loving and giving. 


    I feel like I've had this epiphany multiples times, but I always seem to forget. I'm happy to have had a child because no matter how many times I forget this fundamental truth, I'll be on this perpetual love path for quite a while. Hopefully when she's grown I'll be so mature that this now-epiphany is just an obvious fact of life to me. One of which I need no reminding. Just in case, I'm writing it down here for safe keeping.