Michelle Money: Favorite Quotes

"I'M 30 TODAY. (laughs) Happy FREAKIN' birthday to me!"

I still can't believe ABC was that selfish - to continue with taping the Bachelor as scheduled despite the fact that it was Michelle's birthday. I mean seriously.

"I feel like I have more wrinkles today."

Must be from the 15 years of tanning beds you've obviously been visiting.

"This is especially irritating, because it happens to be my 30th birthday today. 

Not my 29th. Not my 31st.  My 30th."

Thank you for clarifying. I totally see why you'd be upset. The 30th anniversary of your birth is not something that should go uncelebrated. Granted you'd probably be just as upset if it was your 29th or 31rst but we'll pretend not to think about that.

"People are gonna piss me off today. I know it."

Translation: "I'm looking for someone to blame for my bad mood."

"I was a little uncomfortable to begin with. And I'm just like sitting there going, 'IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!' So I can sit around all day and be pissed? This is not the way that I thought I'd be spending my 30th birthday! NU-UH"

How did she think she would be spending her 30th birthday 

just days after starting the Bachelor, I wonder? 

"Every girl he kisses after he kisses me is just gonna be one huge disappointment. Poor girls."

Does she really believe that? If so, than this woman understands nothing about men.

"I don't know if you got the memo, but it's my birthday! 

I don't think I'm gonna go unnoticed tonight! I can tell you that!"

"Not that girls like me ever go unnoticed."

"I'm in a really awkward situation, where I've got all these ladies who are trying to get up on my man. When you've got all these girls fighting for the same guy's attention--  its like, kill me now!" 

Wait, has no one ever explained the concept of the Bachelor to you?

"Like, let's just cut to the -like, cut to the chase. I just wanna, like, connect with you."

and the next words out of her mouth to Brad are: 

"You have walls! Like, I feel like we need to dissect you. Peel all the layers."

Wow she really knows how to melt a guy's heart doesn't she? 

I know I just can't keep my husband off of me whenever I start analytically criticizing him.

Michelle was a crack up last night, but best of all was the scene that follows:

After dramatically pulling him away from the rest of the girls in a style that makes 

all the other girls speculate that "she must have something really important to ask him"

Michelle: What is always stocked in your fridge?

Brad: Um, what is always stocked in my refrigerator?.... Eggs, turkey, and water.

Michelle: *Gasp*

Brad: You too?

Michelle: Minus the eggs..... Match made in heaven.

Wow what a shocker! I can't believe they both eat Turkey!!!!

AND DRINK WATER?! They really are a match made in heaven!!!!