“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” Ambrose Redmoon
I have been trying to think of areas in my life that I have shown courage. I am not a timid person by nature, so it is not often that I am afraid of things.
But there is one fear that I constantly haunted by.
I am afraid of being hurt.
I am afraid that someone will point out what I consider to be my deepest character flaws. I am afraid that someone will point out that I am less than satisfactory. Even though I know that I am. This truth is painful for me to consider.
I am afraid to love and trust those who have, in the heat of the moment, pointed to the deeper darker side of me. Those who have belittled me for my flaws.
Sometimes I am tempted to cut them out of my life entirely for fear of being hurt again.
But I don't.
I conquer this fear by praying to God to help me to forgive those who have inflicted wounds upon my heart. Instead of shrinking back and distancing myself from them, I forgive. I let go. And I force out of my mind my inclinations to be done with them.
Jesus was asked "How many times must I forgive my neighbor? Up to 7 times?" to which Jesus answered "up to 77 times" symbolically emphasizing that there should be no end to the number of times we extend forgiveness to our neighbor. And when they impaled him, Jesus himself asked God to forgive his torturers saying that "they know not what they are doing".
Even though I am afraid that these people who have hurt me in the past may hurt me again, I continue to exercise courage by forgiving them. They most likely will hurt me again. I know it. I expect it. But how can I ask for forgiveness if I can't give it? In my mind, there isn't really a choice, but it still frightens me.
Facing that fear? Well, it feels pretty darn good. And I'm proud of myself for doing so.
5 comments:
I like the quote at the beginning. It's so true. And good for you for facing that fear! It's one of the hardest ones for me too... I have to constantly work at making those relationships flow.
Seriously, you rock. This post was probably not easy for you to write, and I really commend you for doing it. Forgiveness is such a powerful tool. We forget that it's for our own good! It frees up space in our own heart and mind and soul. And, if Jesus said we are to do it, then we should probably listen to him...he wants the best for us! :)
I am proud of you too.
What a beautiful post. Forgiveness is something I struggle with, its hard to just let it go. Its a work in progress!
thank you ladies!
i don't usually post serious things like this so thanks for supporting my serious side. it feels good :)
Love you honesty here, I completely relate with you! Life just doesn't seem easy, and my fear of failure is real and hard. I haven't really looked at forgiving others as courage, but it is true!
May God grant me courage to forgive, and the strength to overcome my fears. May I not forget not only that he says to forgive, but also that he FORGAVE me.
Thanks for the reminder.
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