As you can see, the challenges of newborn parenting are still vivid in my mind. It was a fairly traumatizing period to say the least. In the past, whenever I would see a pregnant woman who looked like she was about to pop with her first child I would chuckle and say to her “your world is about to be turned upside down!” If I saw a couple taking home their first child from the hospital on TV, I would say to myself “I don’t envy you guys! I’d hate to go through that stage again!” But my feelings towards newborns are starting to change.
It all started a couple days ago as I was going through Heidi’s old clothes looking for some hand me down’s for my best friend’s baby due in a couple weeks. As I peeked through all those outfits a wave of nostalgia washed over me. Each little outfit flooded me with memories of the newborn Heidi wearing it. There are so many feelings from that time period that I had forgotten about and still can’t quite describe even now. The anticipation of the unknown in pregnancy, the love so strong it hurts when you finally get to hold them, the miracle of holding a being that you created with man you’ve loved since you were a child. The realization that your life is more beautiful than you ever thought it would be.
As I think about all of this, my heart swells once again with appreciation. I’m so grateful to have been allowed the privilege of being Heidi’s mother and Austin’s wife. God is too good to me, even if he does make caring for newborns one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. And if he allows me to have another one, I will savor it for the gift that it is – and this time, I will bear the difficult parts with a smile on my face.
My song for Heidi:
Love this picture, because it was taken at 4 am. You know you love your baby when you just have to get your camera out and take a picture at 4 am.